house-elves:

do you ever want to slap yourself in the face because you know you should be doing something productive but instead you choose to sit in front of a laptop for hours on end doing shit that has no beneficial impact on your life and this just happens day after day after day and still you refuse to accept the fact that you have a problem

(via smile-stupid)

Every time I get asked why my parents want to send me to a college with a large student body, I answer that it’s because they want me to find a ‘Nice Jewish Husband.’

And the other person in the conversation is like, ‘Oh, I’m sure that’s not the case, they just want you to find somebody that loves you…..’ 

No. 

Nice Jewish Husband.

He doesn’t even have to be nice.

Just Jewish.